I thought I knew it all

I thought I knew everything about having babies, all the gruesome details of recovery and all the pee and poop you will encounter.

My baby is four weeks old today and I can tell you I knew nothing about having a baby. Of course, everything that I was told and read is true. You just don't realize how very true it is.

I heard time and time again, be flexible. Your birth plan is nice to have but things never go like you plan. That couldn't be more true. There isn't a thing on my plan that happened like I would have liked. It took me three weeks to get over that fact and realize it was out of my control.

When they say it hurts to go to the bathroom afterwards, they weren't lying. Granted that partly depends on your experience during childbirth, but seriously, it sucks. The good thing is it doesn't last forever, even though it seems like it might.

You might say you never want to do that again, and you might think you mean it. You probably will change your mind. :)

When they say you will never sleep again, and you will learn to function on no sleep... its true! I just didn't realize there was a period of having to adjust. Those first couple weeks are very hard. My husband took the blunt of my tired outbursts. It does get better though, you do what you must and you learn to adjust.

You will do anything to protect your baby. You will think everything is probably wrong. You will know you are not going to be good enough for your baby. I think you just have to learn to do what you can, and hope for the best!

Even though your husband is doing everything they can to help you, they will probably do it wrong. They will probably do everything wrong. You just have to let them do what they do. If it works for them, then it works. If it doesn't then you just have to let them learn. As a side note, I don't know how I would have done any of this without my husband. He has been my biggest supporter, and seeing how he is with our son is one of the most beautiful things I have seen. Now, if he throws his shoe on the floor one more time while I am trying to put our sleep fighter to sleep - then I will throw a shoe at him! HA! :0

All of the hard things that occur after having your first are harder than I expected. All of the wonderful things about having a baby are better too.

The way my son gazes in my eyes while he is eating, makes my heart want to burst.

I will never think there is a baby that is more beautiful. Sorry! Even though sometimes my son sometimes resembles an old man, or his little baby acne starts to show up. I honestly think he is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. That won't change.

The noises he makes literally make me so happy. I didn't know baby noises could be so sweet or cute.

There is absolutely nothing better in the world than having your little guy fall asleep on you, or anywhere. Sleeping babies are the sweetest thing in the entire world. You might have the urge to squeeze them or shower them with kisses. I suggest you just let them sleep for now:)

So, all in all, when you hear having children is the hardest but most rewarding thing you will ever do, I agree. I'm such a new mom and I know I will learn so much along the way. I know so little right now. All the things I think I know right now will change. I remember everyone saying we will get peed on. Our first night home my son pooped and peed all over both my husband and I and our wall and blanket. They were right. I just didn't know to what extent. That is what I learned everything is more intense than I realized. That makes me both excited and nervous for the future. I will never regret having my beautiful baby. Maybe just voicing my opinions about what is right and wrong before I even had a baby. You really can't judge unless you have been there and done that. All the things I said I would never do, I just might. I guess it just depends on the circumstances. When you read about what its like, nothing will actually prepare you for it all. You just have to take the plunge and just laugh at all the poop you will encounter.

lil bit of this....lil bit of that...

One day, a few years ago, I was walking along a path all by myself listening to music and just enjoying nature. All of a sudden I started thinking about how much I love soundtracks and how interesting it is when a certain song comes on at a certain time in your life and it is perfect, as if part of a movie. As if someone or something had planned it out to happen, like someone is writing your life and choosing music at peak points to really demonstrate the importance of the time in life.

If I was able to arrange a soundtrack to my life, what would it sound like? I can easily choose songs to represent my past...but the future that is the hard part. Every story has to have a climax...I would have to choose the hard times in the future, pick the songs to go with those hard times. Then, how in the world would I be able to pick the song to the peak of my life....or a song that would be able to represent the power a single life has. Thats tough. I think it would be really interesting though. I have been thinking about this for years now, I think it is about time to put some sort of collection together. What a fun project!

Even more fun, picking music to represent my dad's life. I already have some really great songs for my dad's days in the 70's....as I would picture him. Of course it would be based on some of his tales, some family members information, and mostly just how I knew him. What a fun way to document a life. I think about kids and how they respond to certain music better than other music. What if we started paying attention to music not just pictures. Just an idea.

It reminds me of the movie Across the Universe. It is a movie made completely out of the Beatle's songs, and what is cool is that they could easily make a movie and have the music fit perfectly around it because a lot of what was written was relevant to the times and what was going on around them. Some of it is a little far fetched, but I think its really interesting. Now there are bands that have albums that tell stories, which is a good idea. To write about what goes on everyday, those really are the ones that I love to listen to.

Music is one of those things that impact us all quite a bit, we go to restaurants its playing in the back ground. We are shopping, there it is quietly playing in the speakers above. We watch movies, and those songs are one of the things that make movies so great. Its around us all, all of the time. It is the times we don't normally hear music, with surroundings that aren't normal. Those are the times that make it so perfect. In movies it is easy to put a perfect song on top of a scene. In life you can't do that. So those times that it happens, you remember forever. At least I do. It makes me appreciate it all so much more. I think about some very important parts of my life (or life in general) and I wish there was more music playing. When it is there though, it does make everything better. I remember times just laying around,listening to music with someone I love...those are the time that I remember. What about the first time you realized you were in love. The first time you felt a undefinable pain...or even undefinable 'high'. I want music to go with those memories.

Lesson for the day... bring your headphones and your ipod and go for a walk! It makes everything better.

<3>

Just another day in the life...

I have been thinking about starting a new blog for quite some time...and I am finally getting around to doing it! I always see other's blogs...I almost get jealous because I want to blog so bad. I just haven't found the time. Which is rather funny, I have a longer to-do list now than I have had in months. And somehow I just now found the time to start. There is just always so much going on in my mind, I need to get some of it out.

I am sure a lot of you know that I am just about finished with massage school, only about three weeks left. I have been writing so many 'to-do' lists, and 'to-get' lists...it's getting out of hand. I need a personal assistant just to organize my thoughts sometimes! I am very excited about starting my own business, but just worried about the first couple months. Not to mention my sister is getting married just days apart from my graduation. So much to do, so little time.

I think the hardest part in life is not how much a person has to do, or all the things they have to go through. I think it is learning how to deal with the stuff that is out of their control. Obviously there are so many things that we have no way of controlling. It makes me think of my weekend (hmmm, I wonder where this subject came from).

It was about eleven at night....I was exhausted. I was so excited to see my bed. You see, I normally take a nap at some point during my day. I know its sounds lazy, but I know I get so much more done later in the day if I can get my nap in. Anyway, I didn't have a nap that day, and I had woken up around 5 that morning. So, I was more tired than normal, and so happy to go to bed. I text my boy to tell him goodnight. Then I fall asleep. Then I wake up by a text saying goodnight. Then I fall back asleep. Then I wake up by another text. Then I fall back asleep. Then I am awaken by a third text. I politely text back and fall back asleep. Then it starts to storm, which really does make for great sleeping conditions. I am asleep and dreaming of my massage business and a creepy client (in my dream he was going to kill me with a chainsaw!). Then the next thing I know I hear crazy loud thunder and see a big flash of light. It came from right above my bed. I get up in a mad rush because I know my sister and her family sleep above me, it just seemed like something bad happened. I get dressed and rush upstairs to make sure the family is okay. On my way up the stairs I see my sister coming down the stairs with her son in her hands. Her husband has their daughter. Anytime a person wakes up from a dead sleep and jumps out of bed, their heart will be pumping. I am shaking at this point because of the amount of adrenaline rushing through my veins, and I am feeling a little nervous about the situation.

I put my niece in my bed downstairs and am talking to her making sure she is okay. That is when I start to her the sound of running water. Hmm, that doesn't sound right. I walk down the hall to see what it is and I realize water is rushing from the ceiling. So, I yell upstairs to tell my sister. Right at the same time she yells down and tells me to get the kids out, there is a fire.

Obviously lightening struck the house. The fire was caused by the hole in the gas line that was caused by the huge amount of energy that struck the house minutes before. The fire then melted the plumbing, which is where the water from the ceiling was coming from.

So many things in life are unavoidable, uncontrollable, and unforeseeable (I am not really sure if that is a word). I am rushing out to the van with my niece and nephew in my arms and I realize all the things I want in life. Instantly I know exactly what it is that I want. No questions asked. Btw, my nephew was sound asleep in my arms and we were in the pouring rain...it was adorable. Back to my point. Even though I realized what I wanted, I also realized at the same time there isn't too much I can do about it. I can just keep working toward my goal, but so much of life has to do with other people, places, situations.

I was so mad Saturday morning. I forgot to mention, I had only gotten about two hours of sleep because the texting, then the lightening, then the fire and waiting, then I had school. All of this was making me more angry. I thought, I am a good person. I try my hardest to be good to the people around me. I put others before myself. Not to mention, I have already been through so much more than most people. I feel like the lightening was a little undeserved. I was pretty angry. All of a sudden I had an overwhelming thought....there is nothing in my life I can control right now. It was exaggerated by the lack of sleep and that mornings activities...but really so much of life is uncontrollable. Of course hard work and planning do help a lot, but there is always something that we can't really predict. It is like when you see the most healthy people get cancer. It doesn't really make sense. Then you see other people that smoke and drink all of their life, and nothing happens, they die of old age. Look at a married couple or even just relationships in general....if both sides are not working to keep things running smoothly it will only last for so long. You can't control someone else. A person can only do so much to make a relationship work. All of this, it really made me angry on Saturday.

I finally went to sleep around nine that night. I woke up the next morning, and I felt so much better. I had decided that I can't control everything, only myself. Life has good surprises and bad surpises. It really isn't fair to just accept the one without the other. Only about an hour after I decide this, my boyfriend calls. He is about five hours away from home and says his fuel pump went out on his car. 'Story of my life' he says. Story of his life! He should hear my story! Of course that was my first thought. Then I just laughed and realized he was dealing with that same powerless feeling I had dealt with the day before. It only takes time to get through the hard things. The truth is, when things get so hard it seems like we can really see a lot more beauty in the simple things. For instance, my nephew being asleep in the rain. Sometimes we need a little perspective just to see how very blessed we are. There is so much beauty in the world we live in. Of course, there are some really horrible situations everyday. But, I do believe there is more beauty than we let ourselves see most of the time.

I am lucky because I get to live on a farm with my sister's family. I get to be in peace and quiet outside all the time. I am surrounded by nature and it is easy for me to escape. Not only that I get to see the love that happens within a family (from an outside perspective). I see my sister find so much joy in her children. I see her children find so much joy in their parents. Its such a good dose of what life should be about.

It isn't about what we can't control and what happens to us. It is about how we act and who we can help. Life is about loving others and sharing a part of beauty in your own world with someone else. Life is about giving. It doesn't matter what situation you are in, there is always something you can give. Love, time, patience...so much. We look at this big picture and get overwhelmed by the negative. Look at the art in the picture. Look at how each circumstance has helped define who you are today. Blessing in disguise? Maybe.

Either way, a change of focus and adjustment in attitude can really improve a day. Trust me!