I am sure a lot of you know that I am just about finished with massage school, only about three weeks left. I have been writing so many 'to-do' lists, and 'to-get' lists...it's getting out of hand. I need a personal assistant just to organize my thoughts sometimes! I am very excited about starting my own business, but just worried about the first couple months. Not to mention my sister is getting married just days apart from my graduation. So much to do, so little time.
I think the hardest part in life is not how much a person has to do, or all the things they have to go through. I think it is learning how to deal with the stuff that is out of their control. Obviously there are so many things that we have no way of controlling. It makes me think of my weekend (hmmm, I wonder where this subject came from).
It was about eleven at night....I was exhausted. I was so excited to see my bed. You see, I normally take a nap at some point during my day. I know its sounds lazy, but I know I get so much more done later in the day if I can get my nap in. Anyway, I didn't have a nap that day, and I had woken up around 5 that morning. So, I was more tired than normal, and so happy to go to bed. I text my boy to tell him goodnight. Then I fall asleep. Then I wake up by a text saying goodnight. Then I fall back asleep. Then I wake up by another text. Then I fall back asleep. Then I am awaken by a third text. I politely text back and fall back asleep. Then it starts to storm, which really does make for great sleeping conditions. I am asleep and dreaming of my massage business and a creepy client (in my dream he was going to kill me with a chainsaw!). Then the next thing I know I hear crazy loud thunder and see a big flash of light. It came from right above my bed. I get up in a mad rush because I know my sister and her family sleep above me, it just seemed like something bad happened. I get dressed and rush upstairs to make sure the family is okay. On my way up the stairs I see my sister coming down the stairs with her son in her hands. Her husband has their daughter. Anytime a person wakes up from a dead sleep and jumps out of bed, their heart will be pumping. I am shaking at this point because of the amount of adrenaline rushing through my veins, and I am feeling a little nervous about the situation.
I put my niece in my bed downstairs and am talking to her making sure she is okay. That is when I start to her the sound of running water. Hmm, that doesn't sound right. I walk down the hall to see what it is and I realize water is rushing from the ceiling. So, I yell upstairs to tell my sister. Right at the same time she yells down and tells me to get the kids out, there is a fire.
Obviously lightening struck the house. The fire was caused by the hole in the gas line that was caused by the huge amount of energy that struck the house minutes before. The fire then melted the plumbing, which is where the water from the ceiling was coming from.
So many things in life are unavoidable, uncontrollable, and unforeseeable (I am not really sure if that is a word). I am rushing out to the van with my niece and nephew in my arms and I realize all the things I want in life. Instantly I know exactly what it is that I want. No questions asked. Btw, my nephew was sound asleep in my arms and we were in the pouring rain...it was adorable. Back to my point. Even though I realized what I wanted, I also realized at the same time there isn't too much I can do about it. I can just keep working toward my goal, but so much of life has to do with other people, places, situations.
I was so mad Saturday morning. I forgot to mention, I had only gotten about two hours of sleep because the texting, then the lightening, then the fire and waiting, then I had school. All of this was making me more angry. I thought, I am a good person. I try my hardest to be good to the people around me. I put others before myself. Not to mention, I have already been through so much more than most people. I feel like the lightening was a little undeserved. I was pretty angry. All of a sudden I had an overwhelming thought....there is nothing in my life I can control right now. It was exaggerated by the lack of sleep and that mornings activities...but really so much of life is uncontrollable. Of course hard work and planning do help a lot, but there is always something that we can't really predict. It is like when you see the most healthy people get cancer. It doesn't really make sense. Then you see other people that smoke and drink all of their life, and nothing happens, they die of old age. Look at a married couple or even just relationships in general....if both sides are not working to keep things running smoothly it will only last for so long. You can't control someone else. A person can only do so much to make a relationship work. All of this, it really made me angry on Saturday.
I finally went to sleep around nine that night. I woke up the next morning, and I felt so much better. I had decided that I can't control everything, only myself. Life has good surprises and bad surpises. It really isn't fair to just accept the one without the other. Only about an hour after I decide this, my boyfriend calls. He is about five hours away from home and says his fuel pump went out on his car. 'Story of my life' he says. Story of his life! He should hear my story! Of course that was my first thought. Then I just laughed and realized he was dealing with that same powerless feeling I had dealt with the day before. It only takes time to get through the hard things. The truth is, when things get so hard it seems like we can really see a lot more beauty in the simple things. For instance, my nephew being asleep in the rain. Sometimes we need a little perspective just to see how very blessed we are. There is so much beauty in the world we live in. Of course, there are some really horrible situations everyday. But, I do believe there is more beauty than we let ourselves see most of the time.
I am lucky because I get to live on a farm with my sister's family. I get to be in peace and quiet outside all the time. I am surrounded by nature and it is easy for me to escape. Not only that I get to see the love that happens within a family (from an outside perspective). I see my sister find so much joy in her children. I see her children find so much joy in their parents. Its such a good dose of what life should be about.
It isn't about what we can't control and what happens to us. It is about how we act and who we can help. Life is about loving others and sharing a part of beauty in your own world with someone else. Life is about giving. It doesn't matter what situation you are in, there is always something you can give. Love, time, patience...so much. We look at this big picture and get overwhelmed by the negative. Look at the art in the picture. Look at how each circumstance has helped define who you are today. Blessing in disguise? Maybe.
Either way, a change of focus and adjustment in attitude can really improve a day. Trust me!
